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When life gets hard, you need to be a strong partner

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Marriage is tricky even before adding things like moving countries and being an expat. I've learnt you need to be a strong partner. Buckle up, this post is full of the feels.I have written this post again and again in my mind, on paper and typed out. I keep trying to craft and find the right words for this post. This is the curse of the blogger – always thinking up new angles, and new ways of saying things. It also has taken me awhile to fully reflect on it, and then choose the right time to release the words out into the public. Because once it’s out there, it’s out there; there can be no take backs. Marriage is tricky even before adding things like moving countries and being an expat. I’ve learnt you need to be a strong partner. So buckle up kids, this post is full of the feels.

For those of you who have followed the blog from the very beginning back when I blogged mostly about getting happy through running. I know who am I even? The short version for the new readers: I first started a blog about learning to run my first 5km, then 10km, then first half marathon, and then I was aiming for a full marathon but fell and hurt my ankle. This all happened around the same time we decided to move over to Ireland, and the blog sort of evolved with all the things that I was feeling and experiencing with the move to a more simple/minimalist approach to life, slow travel and being an expat in a foreign country. ANYWAY, in the early days of the blog, I touched on my depression and some of the more dark crevices of my mind where I tend to overthink and worry about absolutely everything and nothing all at the same time. As a person who has suffered several moments in my life with depression, it has always been a challenge to fully vocalise all the feelings I have. Many people in my life have battled to understand how someone who is pretty much always cracking a joke; loves to giggle and laugh; and generally appear to be super happy with life; can still be the same person who has such low days. Like maybe I was faking the depression, or not trying hard enough to be happy.

Rob however always got it. He would sit down beside me and let me wallow a bit in my feelings, listen attentively to what I was thinking or feeling, and generally just hold me till I felt strong enough to go on. One of the big factors to me getting better was that I finally went to a doctor who understood me much like how Rob understood me, and who gave me the help that I needed. After many months of talking and listening, I started feeling up to running and getting active. A big help to depression is getting active, but the problem is when you are feeling low, you usually are low on energy as well as mood, so you don’t feel like working out or running. There were some pretty dark days in the beginning, saved purely for two reasons: Rob and Running. The two saved me in more ways than I can ever fully express.

For me running was something I could do on my own; it allowed me to stew in my thoughts in a ‘healthier’ way because when I ran, I would replay conversations, vent and rant and win arguments in my head while I pounded the pavement. Most days (read: always) I would complain while lacing up to go for a run, but always came home with a smile on my face. Rob was the one who introduced me to running. I never ran to lose weight (although that was an added benefit), I ran to make myself feel happier. Sometimes my mood would lift just briefly, just as long as the run itself, and sometimes mood lighten for months. That’s the thing with depression, it hides in the corner and basically rocks up when it feels like it – you have no control when it will hit.

OK so this post might be waffling, but I feel I need to set the scene. Stepping back a bit, when we first moved to Johannesburg, I hit a bit of a mental health wobble. I say wobble like it was a little ‘speed-bump’ in my life, but actually that first year we moved up to Joburg was one of the hardest years of my life. I had no idea if I would ever make it through. But I did because Rob guided me through it. He sat with me till the early hours of the morning, and waited till I was strong again. He was incredibly patient with me. I often think back and wonder how he could have stayed and put up with me when I was at my darkest. How he managed to be so composed and loving through all those many months. But the fact he stayed, made me love him even more. It cemented my feelings for him. I knew then that I would love him as hard and for as long as he loved me. That no matter what, we will always be a team. {Side note: Rob and I have a team name; we named ourselves an amalgamation of our names together – Megbert.} So yes it sounds cheesy, but we are a team, and we leave no man or woman behind.

Bringing it to present day: This year has been incredibly emotional for us, in some ways I am not sure I will ever be able to explain all the shit we have been through, in other ways I selfishly want to keep it to ourselves – like it is our battle that we fought together and we wear matching scars now, and we can wear them with pride because only we know what we have been through. The fact that we have made it and that we are very nearly on other side of it (not completely yet though), that tells me how strong we both are.

The saying you are only as strong as the weakest link – that couldn’t be more apt. You see, I know how strong Rob is. I have always known Rob was the strong one. I saw that strength in my dark, sad days in Joburg. I saw his resilience in that he would never give up on me, and so I can never give up on me, because what’s worse than feeling sad, is knowing that I could let him down. Let the team down.

I always thought that he was the stronger team mate, and that I was somehow a little less strong, and a whole lot less sure of myself. I thought I was the weakest link. But this year, through all the darkness, none of it has been because of my sadness, none of it has been because I got depressed again (although, I would argue that you never fully get rid of depression). It was all stuff out of our control. We got hit with a pile of bureaucracy and shit we never thought we would ever have to go through. And for the first time in my life, and in our time together, Rob needed me to be strong. And I was. I did not let the team down. I stood firmly in my resilience and determination to make it all work – no matter the costs. Because this year, the roles were a little reversed. This year, I learnt that I actually am strong, and just how strong I am mentally. This year, I needed to be a better partner, a better wife, a better friend.  And I did just that. I reminded him, in his darkest hour of uncertainty and doubt – that we would make it, that we would get through this, that he was the strongest person I know. And in it all, I learnt that I am the strongest person I know too. That inside of me is this incredibly stubborn (thanks Dad) and passionate person – who will not let anything stand in her way. That I have this strength inside of me that will fight to the bitter end to make her and her family feel safe, and loved and strong. Who would have thought that in a time when it would have been so easy to call it quits, move back home, give up and lose my shit (although I truthfully have still lost it a little out of anger & frustration) – I decided those weren’t the only options and that I was determined for it to all work out. And with my strength, I gave Rob strength. I have seen through his eyes, how me being strong for the both of us gave him a little push to step up and try again.

This year I have learnt a lot about myself, and about how strong our marriage is. I think that in marriage, you take turns being the leader and being the strong one. I always thought that I wouldn’t be good in stressful situations – just given my nature to overthink and worry. But what I learnt this year is that I actually can handle much more than I realised. I also learnt that sometimes it is not always Rob’s responsibility to be the leader and the strong one. That sometimes, it can be me.

HAVE YOU MOVED COUNTRIES WITH YOUR PARTNER? WHAT HAVE YOU LEARNT?

Unlock the simple life,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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Marriage is tricky even before adding things like moving countries and being an expat. I've learnt you need to be a strong partner. Buckle up, this post is full of the feels.

Unexpected Costs To Account For As An Expat Moving To Ireland

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Moving to Ireland? Here are some of the unexpected costs you need to account for as an expat planning to live abroad in Ireland.When you make the decision to move overseas, I think most think it is an easy enough decision to make. Do you have a job to go to? That is probably the one consideration most people would think of before moving abroad. But the real question you need to ask yourself before you move to a new country is: Will I be able to afford living in a new country for the long term?

People often make the mistake of assuming because salaries sound better overseas, that they will be making tons of cash when finally move there. Converting to your home country currency is probably the worst mistake you can make because you are then basing that new salary off cost of living back at home without fully realising what the cost of living is like in the country you intend on living. Read this post for better insight on cost of living between Ireland and South Africa.

More to the point about money and budgets is that there are always going to be unexpected costs that seem to creep up when you move overseas. You are in a new country, and you want to explore, but it might be helpful if you have enough saved before you move over to account for some of those unexpected costs that you don’t often think about in the excitement of starting a new adventure.

  1. The cost of visas, work permits, and being legally allowed to stay in the country long term.

Depending on how you are able to enter the country to either work or live abroad, there may be costs associated to obtaining the necessary visa. It’s a good idea to check in advance of you arriving what those costs could be, since they will probably be in the foreign currency.

Certain work permits in Ireland cost money as well. In most cases this may be paid for by your employer but it is good information to be familiar with in case the onus falls on your shoulders to settle.

In Ireland, as an expat with a non-EU passport, you are required to register for a GNIB card within 90 days of arriving in the country. The cost associated with this immigration registration card is EUR300. If you arrive in the country before getting employment sorted out, you will need to pay for this card twice. The first time to notify them that you are intending on staying in the country, and the second to update your employment status. If you are like me, that means that you could pay EUR600 in your first year.

2. Finding a place to rent and deposits.

If you are looking for a rental as an expat, there are certain cases where you may have to pay more than a full month as a deposit to secure a good spot. We have heard of friends who were required to pay a double deposit. Because good rentals in the city of Dublin are quite costly, the difference between be able to secure a place to rent and having to let it go, may come down to who can pay the upfront payment right then and there. Finding a place to rent that is pet-friendly carries additional challenges, read this post for how we managed to find our place.

3. Additional custom costs to shipping your home overseas.

This is another hidden cost that people sometimes don’t account for. You could decide to send some things over from home to your new home abroad. What you might not realise is that you pay a fee to move it overseas, but then depending on its destination, you will pay a customs fee to bring it into the new country. If you can, find out what that cost will be beforehand (a good shipping company should be able to give you an estimate) so that it is not a heavy surprise when you get to the other side. It may also help you decide what is worth sending over, and what is maybe better off leaving behind.

4. Getting a car is not just about buying the wheels.

You are legally required to have car insurance if you own a vehicle. Because you are entering into a new country, you will need to show your car insurance history from back home. If there is a gap in payments (i.e you cancel your car insurance before you move over) there is a risk that you may need to pay a heavier premium/penalty. Furthermore, certain countries are allowed to swop out their drivers license for an Irish one, South Africa is one of those countries that are accepted. However you have to do this within the first year of your arrival, and your home country’s drivers license needs to still be valid. The cost to swop out your drivers license is EUR55.

5.  The cost of medical aid.

If you wish to take out medical aid in Ireland, the biggest difference here is that the premiums are paid upfront for the year. Unlike in South Africa where the premiums are deducted off monthly, you need to have the full payment for the full year, ready upfront. This could be quite a big lump sum depending on what package you intend on taking out.

For more info on living abroad, and moving to Ireland, you can find all these kinds of posts here on the blog.

LOOKING TO MOVE TO IRELAND, WHAT INFORMATION WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO COVER IN THE NEXT POST ABOUT LIVING ABROAD?

Unlock the simple life,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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Moving to Ireland? Here are some of the unexpected costs you need to account for as an expat planning to live abroad in Ireland.

One year living as an Expat in Ireland – and what it has taught us

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Over the past 12 months we have both learnt so much, here are some of the things we have learnt after a year living as an expat in Ireland.A year ago I stepped off the plane into unchartered territories of moving overseas and living in a foreign country. Both Rob and I have been fortunate enough to experience living overseas when we were younger, but I have to say the first lesson I learnt this year is that moving overseas as a single, broke student is entirely different to moving over as a married couple, with a dog, trying to get out of debt and trying to live life more intentionally. We moved to Ireland for the adventure and the chance to travel and explore more of the world. And I guess for the most part, an adventure is what we got – except not entirely how we planned it would all go down. Over the past 12 months we have had some highs and lows. We have both learnt so much, so I thought I would share some of the things we have learnt after a year living as an expat in Ireland.

Nothing goes how you plan for it to go, even when you plan the shit out of it.

Before we moved over, we did a pretty extensive search into what it would be like, what it would cost, what work permits we could apply for, what jobs we could get etc. I would like to think that if we were to do it all again, I wouldn’t change any of the work we did in the planning phase – we did a lot of good planning. Unfortunately, life sometimes doesn’t always stick to the plan. We underestimated the bureaucracy and admin it would take to get jobs and work permits. And there were a couple of things that honestly were completely out of our control.

We successfully moved over our furbaby and it was the best decision ever.

Those first few months when I was at home and looking for a job, having Jack at home with me was honestly the best thing in my day. Jack has this attitude in life where he gets so excited for walkies, and running on the beach, but he is equally excited for snoozes on the couch – no matter what happens, as long as we do it together as a family, then he is happy. Which is kind of how I feel about being here together, I know things will be OK as long as we are all three together.

moving a pet to Ireland is easy - if you know how!

We learnt how to do things on our own.

A lot of this new experience is dealing with things on your own. Your friends and family back home will be supportive as they can but there will be things that are far more complicated to explain. We assumed it would be easy and underestimated how lonely it would actually be. There were large parts of this year where we had to carry on alone. 

We learnt a lot about budgeting and saving money.

For most of this first year we have had to work out how to live off one salary. It’s been tough and some days it was a serious struggle. But what helped most was learning how to better work with the money we had coming in. Figuring out what was important to us, and what we thought should be important to us based off expectations we had put on ourselves. This was a hard learning to go through. Slowly we are getting rid of debt and learning to not give into peer pressure of what ‘perfect life’ looks like. The truth is perfect for us is being debt-free. And moving overseas has shown us that we can get out of debt if we stop buying things we don’t actually need, or that don’t actually bring us any joy.

Guinness Lake, Lough Tay, Glendalough in wicklow, Ireland

We learnt patience, and to trust the process.

We are still learning to not be in such a hurry to have everything sorted – some things take time. As much as we planned for the move, there has been a large part of waiting on feedback. Waiting to hear that we got the job, waiting for the process of the work permit to be sorted out, waiting to hear what the next step is. Before living in Ireland, we were impatient; if we wanted something we just went out and got it. We never really waited long enough to appreciate the process. Being an expat where you are always waiting, we learnt to have a little more patience. Some days we are better at it than other days.

We got creative on how to get out the house and learnt how to travel slowly.

The slow travel lifestyle is definitely something we most certainly have bought into. Slow travel is the art of going and seeing a place at a pace that suits you. It means avoiding ticking off a list and marking a place done after one weekend visit. We have gotten really creative at finding free things to do in the city. Exploring Dublin top to bottom, and inside out. Rob has probably taken over 100 panoramic photos of every place we have visited since we have been here. We have tasted tons of donuts, had a few pints in quite a few pubs, walked hundreds of thousands of steps all over, taken bus tours and day tours to various well-known spots, not to mention we have found tons of free things to do too.

The Burren, West coast of Ireland

In Ireland alone we have travelled and explored large parts of Dublin and surrounding areas, but also we have travelled to 14 of the 32 counties in Ireland in just one short year. I even wrote a few blog posts about some of the highlights:

We learnt about communication, and worked on our marriage

Want to test your marriage? Go to a foreign place where you know no one, live on one salary, have one person unemployed at home, feel helpless and foreign even in a room full of people, and wait for feedback on if you can actually stay in the country together – that combo is bound to test your relationship with each other. Nothing has tested our marriage more than living here and having to support each other and figure things out together and on our own. There have been days when I was weak and impatient, and Rob was strong and supportive for me. Equally there have been days where I have had to carry the support for our family. Living with financial uncertainty in a foreign country has been a huge learning curve for us. I am thankful that we have each other. Surprisingly, I learnt how strong I actually can be when I need to be, especially since I have needed to be stronger than I have ever been. Most of all, we learnt how much we love each other – and I honestly wouldn’t want to do this life journey with anyone else.

We learnt how to get out of our comfort zone and do things that challenged us.

Asking for help, learning to say no, reaching out to strangers to make friends – this year has taught us how to not give a shit about what people think is the right way to live, we have just gone on and done things in our own way. And I have to say, it’s been awesome to actually do life the way we want to. Even if this year has not gone how we both planned, we have still managed to work towards having a life that makes us happier as individuals and made us a stronger couple.

Oktoberfest in Dublin

We learnt how to make friends, and honestly, they are pretty awesome folk.

We are still figuring out the cultural differences. Because even though everyone speaks English, there are so many different ways of saying things and misinterpretations and misunderstandings have happened. But for the most part, the Irish are a friendly bunch. I am so thankful for the friends we have met. It is kind of crazy how complete strangers have come to our aid, and who have helped us in ways you just can’t explain to a person who has not been through something similar. We have laughed and cried and shared our hopes and fears with these people – and they have done everything they could to console us, and help us – from small ways like whatsapping us to check in and see how we were doing, skype calls in the middle of the day, dropping off a box of beers, inviting us over for dinners almost every month and supplying endless bottles of wine, meeting us for endless cups of coffee, for hugs and laughs when all we wanted to do was cry, taking us away for the weekend and introducing us to their friends, even offering their home as a safe place to stay. Words cannot express how truly thankful we have been for those people, those friends, have been such a welcome blessing in disguise. We will never forget the kindness, and hope that one day, when we are settled that we can offer the same to someone else in need.

This year has been a rollercoaster. Any expat who says moving to a new country is easy and without challenges is either exceptionally lucky or in massive denial. Most expats I have spoken to have said it takes at least one year to 18 months to fully settle into a new way of living. As much as you can appreciate all the new things that will surround you, the change is constantly there, there is no reprieve or normal. It’s a new normal where you can either sink or keep swimming. I sound a bit negative, but I think it’s important to be realistic with your expectations when considering a move overseas. Things will be different, there will be challenges, and there will be a lot of confusion and frustration. But along with all the negative, there will also be laughs and adventure, and the experience that will change you – if you are lucky, hopefully for the better.

HAVE YOU EVER LIVED OVERSEAS AS AN EXPAT – DID YOU FIND IT EASY? WHAT WERE SOME OF THE CHALLENGES AND LESSONS YOU FACED?

Unlock the simple life,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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Over the past 12 months we have both learnt so much, here are some of the things we have learnt after a year living as an expat in Ireland.

Top 10 things to sort out when you arrive in Ireland (as an expat)

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the top 10 things you should get sorted as soon as you move over to Ireland as an expat.The best part of living abroad is the realization that you can never get away from admin and paperwork. Some things change and some things stay the same, but no matter where you live, there will always be admin and paperwork! The bonus fun fact is that it is going to be slightly different wherever you plan on living. The paper work also seems to increase depending on if you are married/single; if you need a visa to live or work in a place and if you plan on one day seeking permanent residency in a particular foreign country.

Basically you can not avoid getting sucked into an admin paper trail, so I thought that I would outline some of the basic things you, as an expat in Ireland, should try get sorted within the first few weeks of your arrival. This list is a culmination of our experience and is purely based off our own experience and unique situation to moving to Ireland from South Africa. If you are looking to chat more about how you can move to Ireland, feel free to contact me, and if its technical info you need about your own situation, Citizen Information can also be a great resource.

Disclosure: this information is also based on the fact that you have legally arrived in Ireland and that you are legally allowed to enter the country and live/work here. If you want to read more about how we moved to Ireland, maybe start with this post and then come back here.

Top 10 things you need to sort out as an expat moving to Ireland

Top 10 things you need to sort out as an expat moving to Ireland Click To Tweet
  1. First things first, you need to find a place to stay – I recommend trying to do this while you are actually in the country, although you can most certainly check the various rental sites online. I just found that good spots go quite quickly, so you want to be able to give them a call, or meet/view the place quickly. This post is a great resource for anyone looking for a pet friendly rental in Dublin. Key to getting a rental sorted, means that you can get a proof of address in Ireland. I had hoped that the rental agreement itself could be used as a form of proof of address – but the bank however would not accept this as proof of address. You will probably sign up for utilities like gas/electricity/TV/Wifi any ways, and these can be used as proof of address. If you are married, try set up these accounts where both of you have a name on these utilities (or one has TV and the other has electricity account). A proof of address is going to be a valuable piece of paper you will need to set up other things while you live here in Ireland.
  2. If you are a non-EU passport holder, when you went go through immigration at the airport, they will give you a card with information on setting up an appointment for your GNIB card. This is basically an immigration card that shows you are legally allowed to work/live in Ireland. It is essential you make this booking within 90 days of your arrival. Over certain times of the year, appointments book up months in advance – so the first day you arrive in the country, you should go online and set your GNIB appointment. Make sure you give yourself time to get this sorted. (Note: it will cost EUR300 for this card; so bring cash or card to pay for this at your appointment). Depending on if you plan on working or living in Ireland, you will need to bring with you all the necessary documentation – this should be outlined on their website.
  3. If you are like me, and plan on bringing over your phone from your home country to use here in Ireland, check that your phone is unlocked before you leave home. In South Africa, most phones are unlocked, but Americans that have come to Ireland often find out too late that their phone is locked, making it impossible to switch to an Irish sim card. I recommend going and getting your first sim card for your phone at carphone warehouse – they offer sales and specials for all service providers here in Ireland. You can get a pay as you go SIM, or a contract – depending on what you are looking for.
  4. When you first arrive in Ireland, you might be relying on public transport for a while, until you have a car. I strongly recommend that you sign up for a leap card – it costs EUR5 for the card and you can top up from your phone (Andriod only) or at the luas or train stations. Leap cards can be used on Dublin buses, Luas and the DART, you will also need a leap card to be able to register to use Dublin Bikes (it costs further EUR25 per year to be registered to Dublin Bikes). The rates for all these public transport services are cheaper if you use a leap card than if you pay cash – so it is well worth it!
  5. Before you arrive in Ireland, I hope you will look at if you need a work permit, and which one you can apply for. This really will help ease the stress if you know this before you arrive. If you are not sure, then read this post on finding a job and applying for a work permit in Ireland.
  6. Key to getting GNIB cards and work permits, is keeping track of when your passport expires. It might sound like an obvious one, but I recently got my work permit, and my permit is only valid till when my passport expires. I will need to get a new passport and then go back and update it with my work permit details thereafter, these costs all add up at the end of the day.
  7. If you are planning on working or earning a salary here in Ireland, then you will need to open up a bank account. This is a bit different to back home, you have to book an appointment at the local bank, and go in with your passport, and proof of address. I had to use a utility account as proof of address, because AIB would not accept my rental agreement.
  8. Once you have a bank account and a work permit, then you need to set up an appoint with social services to get a PPS number. You only need a PPS number if you are planning on claiming welfare, or if you are paying taxes (i.e working).
  9. After getting your PPS number, you need to go online and register your pps number with MyGov.ie to avoid paying maximum tax. You need to do this BEFORE you start getting your paycheck.
  10. If you plan on buying a car/ driving in Ireland. You are allowed to swop your South African drivers out for an Irish drivers license. All you need to do is fill some forms, go for an eye test, and then make an appointment. You will need to hand over your current, valid South African drivers license. It takes 3 weeks – 3 months to get your Irish drivers license back. The cost to get this sorted is EUR55.

So there you have it, the top 10 things you should get sorted as soon as you move over to Ireland as an expat.

Unlock the simple life,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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Top 10 things you need to sort out as an expat moving to Ireland