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How to make friends whilst living abroad

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Making friends, wherever you are in the world, requires a lot of putting yourself out there. It means you have to keep trying different ways to make friends. Here are my tips on how to find friends living abroad!It is easy to make friends whilst living abroad, right? I have found that if you look hard enough, it is easy to find other expat friends from your home country. So if you really wanted to make friends, you could make friends fairly easily with fellow expats from home. But should you rely on only making friends with people from the same country as you? If you were to look at your current circle of friends, how many of them are from the same country/culture as you? This is something Rob and I are pretty conscious about, and only really since we moved over to Ireland has it really become an obvious thing we want to stay away from.

I get the attraction to making friends with fellow expats, but why would you want to recreate exactly what you have back home, in a new country? Being South African, I have found a whole heap of South Africans who have made the same move as we have and are living in Ireland. The problem I have found is that so many South Africans choose to only be friends with South Africans – even when they are living abroad. But it is not just an SA thing though, it is a people thing. People generally stick to what they know, so you will generally find expats sticking together with other expats.

The reason Rob and I try to avoid only being friends with South Africans is that when we are among other South Africans, it is very easy to start talking about the differences between Ireland and South Africa. The ‘when we lived in South Africa’ mentality is pretty easy to latch onto when you surround yourself with people who are just like you. The other thing is (and I know I seem to harp on about this!) is that we never left South Africa because we thought it was a bad place, because we felt unsafe, or because we thought Ireland would be better for our family. We left for an adventure, and to experience what living overseas was like. This might or might not be a forever adventure but I hate being around all that negativity that seems to follow people who have left South Africa for all those other reasons. I hate being around people who seem to complain about what it was like in South Africa but also who tend to complain about what it is like to live here in Ireland. Honestly, living abroad is a struggle as it is, it is not easy to fit in and work things out, but if you spend your days comparing and judging and complaining – who really wants to hang out with people like that?!

There are tons of South Africans in Ireland – honestly, I was a little disappointed that we were not the first and only South Africans to ever think of moving to Ireland. But just because we come from the same country does not mean we need to be friends. I am sorry if that comes off rude, but hear me out… Friendship should be a little deeper than just the fact that you come from the same part of the world as someone else. The trap most expats fall into, is that it is easy to fit in with a group of people who are from the same country as you, but the risk is that you will never fully learn or understand the new culture you are living in if you don’t try to make friends with locals and perhaps other expats from other parts of the world.

So after my ‘I don’t want to be friends with only South Africans’ rant, I have to say that the South Africans we have found here have been lovely. Yes, we do have friends who are South African, ones we never knew before coming here and who we get on with really well. But we purposefully choose to not only rely on South Africans to be our friends. Our goal is to have more local and other expats as friends than we do our tiny select South African network. We want to get to know the real Irish, the people who have lived in Ireland all their lives. Just like we want to make friends with expats who have come from all over the world and who can relate with our struggles to fit in. We want to try to make friends abroad that will make this whole living abroad vibe work for us, but also who enrich us and make the adventure all the more authentic. Here are my tips to finding local friends whilst living abroad:

  1. Be selective with your friends. Just because you are both from the same country does not mean you have to be friends. Having a friendship with someone else requires time and energy, you need to be available to meet up and keep in touch and so honestly my advice is quality over quantity.
  2. Join local groups or volunteer. Think of things like joining the gym or running club or even search Facebook for local groups. I recently joined a few expats in Dublin groups, plus I joined a local yoga studio. This way might take a bit longer, but if you are seeing people regularly every week, you are bound to make a friend or two.
  3. Make friends through your friends. This is actually a tip my mom gave me when I was looking for Rob. She always said I would find the guy of my dreams through friends, and she was kinda right! So once you have made a new friend, ask them to bring their friends to the next event.
  4. Get a hobby: There are clubs for absolutely anything and everything if you look hard enough for it. Things like photography, painting, pottery; are great place to find people with similar interests. A website I regularly use is meetup.com.
  5. Say yes to anything, and try anything twice. You need to have a yes attitude, just say yes to doing things and getting out, even if it makes you feel uncomfortable and even if you feel like a complete stranger at first. Also, sometimes people need a second chance, so if you go to an event and it was awkward and awful, try go a second time – who knows, maybe things will be better the second time around.
  6. You need to learn how to share more of yourself and be prepared to be a little vulnerable. The only way you make friends is if you open up and tell people how you are feeling. Another hard truth is that finding friends whilst living abroad takes a big knock to your ego, and unfortunately not everyone will want to be friends with you. You need to learn to let that go, and move on.
  7. Get to know your work friends. The quickest way to make friends is with people you spend most of your time with! Rob and I are lucky that we both work in environments where our work colleagues are actually fun to hang out with. Set up after work drinks, join the social club, go out for lunch – there are plenty of ways to make friends with people you work with.

So full disclaimer, finding friends in Ireland is still a work in progress for me. I have been here for nearly two years and I still find it really tough. Making friends, wherever you are in the world, requires a lot of putting yourself out there. It means you have to keep trying different ways to make friends. Finding friends is a little like finding a partner – you have to find people who get your sense of humour, have similar interests to you and who you actually like hanging out with! And finding those special people is never going to be an easy, quick thing. It requires time and patience and little bit of hanging out with a few frogs before you find your new BFF. Hang in there, it does get easier… At least I hope it does, I will let you know!

IF YOU WERE TO LOOK AT YOUR CURRENT FRIENDSHIP CIRCLE, HOW MANY OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY/CULTURE TO YOU?

Live Simply & Travel Slow,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

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Making friends, wherever you are in the world, requires a lot of putting yourself out there. It means you have to keep trying different ways to make friends. Here are my tips on how to find friends living abroad!

Information for Non-EU citizens looking to move to Ireland

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This post is targeted to the Non-EU citizens looking to move over to Ireland. Think of it as a cheat sheet of tips you will need to know, to help you move over to Ireland. Perhaps it will answer some of your burning questions.I get about 2 – 3 emails a day from people all over the world, looking to move themselves or their families over to Ireland. I love that they feel at ease asking me questions, and I always try to give the most honest of advice. The reality is that moving to Ireland is not as easy as it looks. There are a lot of different circumstances, or situations you might find yourself in. If you are on an EU/UK/Irish citizen – basically none of the paperwork admin is required, thus making it very easy to move over.

The emails I get are mostly from people in a similar situation to how we were –people looking to move over to Ireland on a non-EU passport. The email requests are not only limited to South Africans – I get citizens from USA, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, India, as well as other African countries, including South Africa. Most of the questions are specific to their unique situations.

I have to be honest, I don’t usually respond if the email is just ‘how can I move over to Ireland’ – because there is no nice way of saying – through hard work and a lot of money and huge amount of effort and patience. Those people I think are looking for an easy way over; one email to a complete stranger is not going to make that happen unfortunately.

I also get a lot of emails from people who are currently living in Ireland, trying to make it work, and stressing about waiting for employment permits, finding a rental and just trying to make this life in Ireland work for them as they had once hoped it would.

I don’t say this all to sound negative, or to try and dissuade people from trying to move over to Ireland. I say this all because – you are not alone. There are plenty of people in your exact situation, and for some it works out and they move onto the next worry of making it work in a foreign country. For others it doesn’t work out and they either make the decision to try again or they stop trying and move onto trying somewhere else.

This post is targeted to the Non-EU citizens looking to move over to Ireland. Think of it as a cheat sheet of tips you will need to know, to help you move over to Ireland. Perhaps it will answer some of your burning questions.

  • You will need a job before you come over.

The reality is that not everyone will be able to find employment here in Ireland.  You can use recruiters, however if you are wishing to apply for a general or spousal dependent work permit – then you may very well find that not many recruiters will get back to you. This is because these roles can generally be filled faster by local candidates. If you are applying for a critical skills work permit, then you might get a recruiter to help you, because your skills are specialised and in demand. Please check the critical skills list here, and be very specific to your skillset as you will need to substantiate that you have the skills required under critical skills. Additionally you should check the list of roles you do not need a work permit. Unfortunately if you are on a non-EU passport and not a spouse of a person holding a work permit, you will need a work permit to work in Ireland, which means these roles are not available for you to fill. For more on work permits, read this post I wrote.

  • You can only apply for a work permit if you have a job offer

You will need a job offer before you apply for a work permit; this means that the work permit is tied to a particular employer. It cannot be transferred to another employer and you cannot move employers within the first 12 months.

  • It is difficult to find an employer willing to go through the application process.

This is because current processing dates for all types of work permits takes over 3 months. Your work permit can be submitted online via yourself, your employer, or a recruitment agent. You can then check the status of your application online either by using your application reference or by checking the processing dates. Application processing goes by date submitted, and is irrespective of the type of work permit you are applying for. If your employer is a trusted partner then the processing times may be quicker, current processing times for trusted partners is over 6 weeks.

  • The thing about spousal dependent employment permits

You are only able to apply for a spousal dependent employment permit if your spouse holds a critical skills work permit or is a researcher. A spousal dependent employment permit is different to a spousal visa. The spousal visa is for a spouse to join their partner – it does not mean that they can work in Ireland.

  • Certain countries can enter Ireland as a tourist for up to 90 days.

To find out if you are able to enter the country with no visa, check this link. This is handy for people looking to see what Ireland is like, to travel around Ireland and to see if Ireland would be a place you would like to live in one day. However….

  • It is illegal to come over as a tourist (stay for 90 days) and look for employment.

Just don’t do be that person. Additionally if you apply for a work permit whilst in Ireland as a tourist, you risk your work permit being declined and being kicked out of the country permanently. If you intend to do some research and look into moving over, you can come over for 90 days but you cannot work without a work permit, and you cannot apply for a work permit whilst in the country as a tourist.

  • If you are married to an EU, UK or Irish passport holder

Then you are classed as one of the lucky ones. It means that you are able to come over without the need for work permits or visas. You will also have it that much easier than the rest of us coming over on SA or non EU passports. I think it’s important for those people to be mindful that their situation is entirely different to the rest of us.

So there you have it, my most asked questions all laid out in one handy little post. It is often seen as easy to move to Ireland, when the sad reality is that not everyone will be able to move over successfully or without a series of hurdles to jump over. This is not to say that it is impossible to move over, plenty of people move over every day, it just requires non-EU passport holders to have a bit more grit, a bit more research and possible a boat load of patience to navigate all the steps you need to take to make it happen.

ARE YOU LOOKING TO MOVE TO IRELAND? WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST QUESTION? – ASK ME IN THE COMMENTS BELOW!

Live Simply & Travel Slow,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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This post is targeted to the Non-EU citizens looking to move over to Ireland. Think of it as a cheat sheet of tips you will need to know, to help you move over to Ireland. Perhaps it will answer some of your burning questions.

My thoughts on being an outsider in a foreign country

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Sometimes it feels like there is a never ending amount of forms to be filled in, papers to be shuffled, ticking away on keyboards, substantiating evidence, stamping stamps, waiting around for appointments to become available, answers to be given, and sign off to be granted for us to stay and work in a foreign country. And those are sometimes not even the most challenging parts of being an expat.Sometimes it feels like there is a never ending amount of forms to be filled in, papers to be shuffled, ticking away on keyboards, substantiating evidence, stamping stamps, waiting around for appointments to become available, answers to be given, and sign off to be granted for us to stay and work in a foreign country. And those are sometimes not even the most challenging parts of being an expat. The hurdles and admin can seem endless, but at times, the people can seem cold and unsympathetic. You can sometimes be left feeling incredibly alone and isolated and so very far away from home, somewhere where nothing is familiar and that can be the most unsettling feeling.

*Related Post: Read the things no one talks about when you move to a new country*

It can be an incredibly humbling experience when you realise that you are not as interesting and as unique as you thought you were. You are just foreign. The benefit to being an expat is that this experience opens your eyes up to this fact. The fact is that people might speak the same language in other countries, but different countries still have different cultures. It is sometimes very hard to know without fully immersing yourself in a new culture, and asking questions and learning and being respectful that your way might not be the way that others are used to.

The simple fact is that as an expat, sometimes you are the only one aware of all these differences, and furthermore, sometimes you as the foreigner, are the only one willing to compromise and learn from the experience. For the most part you are surrounded by people that feel safe, that are home, and that aren’t different – and it can be hard for those people to even become self aware that perhaps the foreign person feels isolated and alone.

I sometimes can be in crowded room, filled with laughter, and all the craic in the world – and yet feel so homesick, and alone. I often have internal dialogues with myself, where I relate to what is happening around me, to how it would be different in South Africa. I have these thoughts internally, because in some instances, not everyone wants to have a ‘lesson’ in South Africanism, and what its like back in my country. It might sound like people are insensitive to my feelings, but I think it is sometimes just ignorance of the vast differences between our cultures. And really why should they learn about South Africa – they didn’t choose to move away from home.

Being an expat, I have learnt patience, patience in waiting for processes to be followed and forms to be submitted, and all the bureaucracy that comes with living in a foreign country. But I have also learnt to be patient with people, patiently waiting for the right time to speak out, and share my stories of home and what it feels like to be so far away from home.

It is difficult to put into words how I am feeling, but this week has been a hard week for me emotionally. I can’t seem to put my finger on what is exactly bothering me, but then I realised what it was. I miss being home, I miss being normal, I miss blending into being part of the crowd, I miss being part of the majority. I miss being among people who might not care about you personally, but where you still feel you fit in and you don’t have to explain why so many things are different here to what they are like back home. The most upsetting part of this week is that I am not sure this feeling will ever fully go away. Because at the heart of the matter, no matter how long I stay away, I don’t want to lose my South Africanism, I don’t want to blend in. I want to be me, the person who I have always been – and so this feeling of being an outsider might never go away. And while I have learnt so much, and I am continually learning about who I am, and how big the world really is – perhaps there is a way for me to rub off some of me here? It is just another part of the process of being an expat I am yet to work out how to solve.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN AN OUTSIDER IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY – HOW DID YOU EASE THE FEELING?

Live Simply & Travel Slow,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

PIN THIS AND READ LATER:

Sometimes it feels like there is a never ending amount of forms to be filled in, papers to be shuffled, ticking away on keyboards, substantiating evidence, stamping stamps, waiting around for appointments to become available, answers to be given, and sign off to be granted for us to stay and work in a foreign country. And those are sometimes not even the most challenging parts of being an expat.

15 Irish words or sayings you need to know

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A large part of moving abroad is learning more about how other people live, and how to communicate with people is how we all form connections and make friends. Here are some Irish sayings and words you need to know if you plan on living in Ireland long term.Rob and I have been living here for nearly 18 months, and over this time we have learnt a lot about living in Ireland, the way things work, and a large part of moving abroad is learning more about the people, and how to communicate with people is how we all form connections and make friends. Making connections with people helps you integrate into your new life overseas. It is key to be able to ‘fit in’ in your new country, if you don’t feel as though you belong, then it is unlikely that you will stay long term.

One of the reasons we decided to move to Ireland was because we thought language would not be a hurdle since we both speak English. We thought Irish would be similar to South Africans, for example we both have a similar sense of humour. However, one of the major differences between us is the terminology and phrases we both use – perhaps some of these Irish sayings will be similar to your own country, but these are not sayings we are not use to hearing back in South Africa.

  1. LIKE. I think the Irish are the original ‘likers’. The Irish folk we have met use the word ‘like’ a lot. It reminds me of a guy I knew years ago, who used to point out how many times I said ‘um’ – he was a real jerk, but he had a point, I did say um a lot back then. It makes me think how he would hate to be around the Irish because they say like ten times more than I ever said ‘um’. OK, so maybe this is used back home too, but for the Irish, they use it a little differently, it is usually placed at the end of sentences. For example, ‘she is crazy, like’; ‘It was some good craic, like’. These sentences just don’t sound the same coming out of anyone else. But with the Irish it feels like an accentuation to the story, and it kind of just works, or maybe I am just getting used to it.
  2. CRAIC. Another very popular word used by the Irish is ‘Craic’; pronounced ‘crack’. It is used to ask how things are going, what is the vibe like, or if something is good fun. For example: ‘What’s the craic? Ah last night was good craic. Are you up for a bit of craic?’ Second to like, it is one of the most used words in Ireland, I reckon. So it is a handy one to know, especially if you were like me, and thought they were looking to buy drugs.
  3. SHORTEN WORDS. The Irish like to create their own slang by cutting down words and add an O, words like devo, and morto are commonly used – perhaps more with younger teenage girls.
  4. GRAND. DELIGHTED. CLASS. Grand is used a lot, in the same way that South Africans use the word ‘lekker’. Some Irish will go so far as to say ‘Ah it is grand so’ meaning it is lekker or nice just like that. Everything can be grand but it is usually referred to when something is awesome, great or just OK.  Delighted is used when they would ‘love to’, for example ‘I would be delighted’ and Class refers to when something is top-notch, it was class.
  5. GAS. When something is hilarious or funny or just fun – it is gas.
  6. YE. This is probably a bit of old English, but it is used instead of you, for example: what are ye doing here like? Or ‘where are ye off to?’ I kind of like this one, but it never really sounds right in coming out of my voice.
  7. SWEAR WORDS. Shite instead of Shit, Feck instead of Fuck. In some ways, they swear a bit more than us, but I find they sound so much more polite when they swear than when I do! Maybe it’s the accent thing but they will say shite, or feck as an adjective in most sentences and it never comes off as being totally rude.
  8. YOKE. This is another word for something you don’t know what to call it, like thingamajig; or that thing, Irish folk will call it a yoke.
  9. BOLD. Instead of saying someone is being cocky or cheeky; you say that they are being bold. It is often used with kids, i.e. ‘Johnny is being so bold’.
  10. COP ON. Get with the program, Catch a wakeup call; you just need to cop on. I have no idea how this even came to be a saying, but it is often used in banter, when you are talking to someone who does not fully understand what you are saying – you need to ‘cop the feck on’.
  11. YOUR MAN. This is not related to your actual man, or your husband or boyfriend. But rather refers to ‘some guy’, used in a sentence like this: ‘I was at Tesco and your man behind the counter said they were having a sale’. It is possibly the most bizarre one out of them all, and it feels so out of place that I don’t think this will ever be something I will be able to say without laughing at myself.
  12. YOU ARE VERY WELCOME. This is a saying that is used as a bit of a welcome introduction. Irish are very polite and will always start a tour or speech with ‘you are very welcome’. It is one of my favourite terms used by the Irish, they are very welcoming.
  13. NO BOTHER. Probably quite a common saying but South Africans say ‘no worries’ about as much as Irish folk say ‘it is no bother’, meaning that something is no trouble at all.
  14. YOU MIGHT WANT TO. This actually refers to something that you probably should do. Irish are very polite, probably a little too much. South Africans are often seen as being too direct or blunt, because we will just say it like it is. Whereas Irish will say ‘you might want to’ in an effort to be a bit more polite than coming right out and saying ‘just do it my way’. They say it in a way that you might have a choice, but really it is more like a strong suggestion.
  15. LOOK COME HERE. Rob never understood what I meant when I said that a lot of my Irish colleagues will say this when they are on the phone. It is a sentence that runs off their tongue so quickly, so every time I said it to him, he said he had never heard it before. But once he heard someone in his own office saying – you just can’t un-hear it. They will usually say it when they when they are chasing up a request or trying to get information. In the same way that we might say ‘ah ya know what’; they will say ‘ah sure look come here’. The next time you are in an open plan office, see if you can hear it too.

WHAT IRISH SAYINGS HAVE YOU NOTICED? ANYTHING I MISSED OFF THE LIST?

Live Simply & Travel Slow,

~Meg~

p.s. If social media is your thing (snap! It’s my fave too!), you should totally follow me on Instagram.

p.p.s. I try post varied content once or twice a month, to be sure you don’t miss out on the new post you should sign up and get all the news straight in your inbox – Sign up now!

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A large part of moving abroad is learning more about how other people live, and how to communicate with people is how we all form connections and make friends. Here are some Irish sayings and words you need to know if you plan on living in Ireland long term.